I don't know what else to say.

Everything is so clear.

When did everyone become blind?

Okay.

I don't know what I'm feeling or why. What I do know is that I'm weak. I am weak.

I deserve death

sharp

i

have sought refuge in the night

dark, painless

effortless

i'll paint the walls with red tonight

It has been a month since I last tried to overdose on my medication. What pains me now is that I still feel like dying. I don't know how to explain myself. I just want to disappear.

God, if you're out there, please understand that what I have been planning has nothing to do with wanting to teach anyone a lesson. I am not trying to stir up anything or make people think that I'm out for attention, sympathy, or pity. I have been spared far greater emotions and I don't need to see them now. You've seen me struggle day in and day out so whatever it is that has been brewing in my mind should come as no surprise.

The disease that has been eating away at me has broken down the wall of hopes and dreams that once kept me together and there is such little time left to try and fix it. I have slaved myself with distractions that have now become my worst enemies. It's like this all the time and I have yet to see anything that has any glimmer of change. I am a firm believer in the idea that in order for things to go your way, you ought to fight for them because things don't just happen. I have drowned myself in optimism for what seems like a lifetime. The rewards have been scarce and the victory has become futile.

There are a few things I have kept from the people who know me and those things will never see the light. I have lost so many battles and I am sure it is time for me to stop trying to work towards a rematch. I've nowhere to stand.

People have told me that there is a plan for everyone and that it's up to us to find it. What they don't realize is that there are some people who never really had a fair shot at a future. Some people are just not meant for this. I have been reassured numerous times that I am one of those people. There are so many things picking at my seams.

There is no point in trying to deny the voices inside my head. They have been there from the beginning and neglecting their words of wisdom would be cruel.

God, give me the courage I need to make my promises a reality. You know where to find me.

Sincerely,

Leslie

Tonight the sky has no stars.

The nights are beginning to resemble those I thought I left behind. My eyes are burning but I refuse to cry. I'm not hurting, but I feel like everything is at a loss. I'm too proud to call my doctors because I thought I was over this. How can I explain that I'm not happy without sounding so desperate and lonely? My chest feels like it's on fire. I'm disgusted with myself.

i hurry but get nowhere

i've got a set of bridges to burn and a river to drown.
there's a memory waiting to dance and a feeling to call.
the lines are glistening and hearts are cold.
my conscious is home and has locked the door.

worthless answers to nervous questions is the best you can give.

i feel like my old self today