So let go, let go.

Yesterday may have been one of the hardest days of my life;
I had to sit through therapy and listen to my mom's cries about how she feels that she's failed me because I don't smile anymore. As much as would like to say that isn't true, I can't help but to feel like she's one of the reasons why I feel so fucking numb. I've been blaming myself for so long and I'm just so sick of it.
She can't seem to remember that she pushed me under the bus when it came to my other brothers and sisters. "I'm not your mother," "This is all your fault," "I'm going to kill you." All of that was thrown out of the window when she revealed her most inner thoughts. I felt bad for her and I was mad at myself for it.

People make mistakes. That's not a good enough excuse anymore.

It's common for someone who has been abused to abuse someone else. I'd hate to be just like my mom.

Life isn't easy. Lord knows I know that.

Your communication barrier has to be let down. No. I've slaved myself building it up my entire life and there is no way in hell I'm going to stop now.

It's sad that the only thing stopping you from acting on your thoughts is money. It is sad.

We're going to have to do this, for her sake and yours. I'm done.

I revealed that I was sick of it. I have only small amount of hope left because my mom did a good job at degrading it. There was so much more I could've said but I refused to do it. I didn't want to hurt my mom.


Next stop- a meeting with a psychiatrist.